The Hex of High Expectations

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We stink at learning new things in adulthood in part because we expect too much, too soon. We have a little pout because we don’t see quick results, and off we stomp (metaphorically or literally).

This is not my own observation; it comes from musician/neuroscientist Larry Sherman and musician/music teacher Dennis Plies, who co-wrote a fascinating book called “Every Brain Needs Music.” It sure does remind me, though, of how quickly I gave up my attempts to learn guitar in the last couple years, among other abandoned enterprises.

Fellow parents, perhaps you, like me, can see your 6- and 9-year-olds outperforming us all in this department. But it’s an easy prescription, in theory: expect less, progress more.

What kids do better when they’re learning

As Sherman and Plies put it:

“For adult learners the number one enemy seems to be lack of patience, which can diminish motivation and lead a student to give up. So part of the strategy for [adult learners] is finding ways to settle in and simply be faithful to the skill-building exercises and pieces without heavy expectations of immediate success.”

Persistence is connected to patience and expectations about progress.

How my 9-year-old models persistence

This idea popped into my head as I walked my 9-year-old to school this morning and listened as she explained how she prefers to practice her guitar songs. She kept insisting there was no physical lesson book or notebook involved. “Then how do you practice your songs?” I asked her. “Mom, ‘Blackbird’ just goes G-G-G-A-B…” she explained. Sometimes the teacher writes down chord progressions for her on scrap paper. Other times she just locks them in her daydream-y head, forgetting half of the sequence but working it out by ear because she’s just enjoying the goof-around moments of picking up her guitar and trying things. Her expectations for the outcome seem to be extremely low. And that does seem to contribute to her steady progress in getting her fingers into the weird shapes of guitar chords, a little better every day. Frustration looks low. Progress is present.

On the theme of persistence – a huge theme in the discipline of marketing – this concept of patience-arising-from-low-expectations must play a role. You can’t have patience and perseverance when your expectations are for immediate results. Marketing is usually a long game, and a long game requires persistence.

Inspiration is one engine to drive persistence. Another important engine, it seems, is low expectations about the outcome. Expect less, show up more. Show up, progress.

Looking for a partner in persistence? Reach out.